


I'm scared of feeling things because they hurt.

by Btryx



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Friendship, Gen, Hank is awesome, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-21 02:45:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14906846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Btryx/pseuds/Btryx
Summary: "Right there's no fucking way that I drive us there. You're still bleeding Connor and you need help for god sake!""I don't need any help!" Exclaimed the android. "I need to solve this investigation before it's too late!"" Fuck the investigation Connor, and stop pretending!""Pretending what?""Pretending that you don't feel!"





	1. Let's go home

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) Remember that scene when Simon stayed behind and Connor connected to his memory on that roof? Yes me too, and it felt so right to see just how protective and concerned Hank was about his well-being. Sooo I wrote a fic about it. Basically that's it. Yep. Have fun :)  
> (all mistakes are mine)

Connor

Connor knew what's going to happen before he even heard the gunshot. Suddenly, he was no longer Connor.  
He was the deviant. He felt his fear of death, his despair, his hopelessness. He was left behind.  
The others left him behind. He couldn't bear it . It was too much. He can't stay alive. He can't because then they can get the information out of him. He had to die.  
He didn't want to. He was terrified of it. Suddenly it was all overwhelming, and he felt the gun pressed against his chin.  
It couldn't be there of course. It was in the deviant's hands under his own chin. He had to do it. He was lost. A picture of a wall jumped into his head.

Jericho.

It said Jericho.

That's when the shot fired. For a split second it felt like the emotions grew ten times harder to endure. Then it was all gone.  
He was Connor again. Prototype RK800. He let go of the deviant's now limp body, and took a step back. The body fell to the ground. That's when he realised, that he couldn't breathe. He took a deep breath, and tried to stabilize his systems.

_Stress level: 87% and rising_

He heard a voice. Lieutenant Anderson's voice. He couldn't quite understand what he said but he could hear that his name was there between the words.

"Connor! Connor you're alright? Connor?" His voice was filled with concern and urgency.

_Stress level: 75% and dropping_

"Connor?!"

Right, he should probably answer.

" I...I'm okay!" He said unconvincingly with an unusually soft voice.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm okay." The android replied, with the same manner as before.

The Lieutenant let out a relieved sigh, as he looked around for the others.

"For god sake I told you not to move!" He yelled, now with a familiar anger in his voice. "Why do you never do as I say?"

"I...I had access to it's memories. When it fired... I felt it die." Connor started to feel sick inside. Hank was staring at him with a stunned expression, mixed with concern.

"I was scared" He spoke quietly, his voice faltering.

Hank was silent for a second, before gently graping his partner's arm, careful not to touch his wound.

"Come on let's get outta here"

 

DBH  
Hank

 

"Come on let's get outta here." He said, pulling Connor after him, as he started to leave.

The android still looked like he was in shock, after what happened. He was bleeding slightly at the shoulder, from that bullet injury caused by the deviant.

They headed towards the elevator. Some officers looked at them questioningly, probably wondering about the reason they were leaving so soon.

Non of them seemed to notice Connor's condition, or they just decided not to.

_Fucking assholes._

Hank ignored them, and pulled Connor into the lift. The android hasn't said a word since he clamed the he was scared.  
He looked confused, like he had no idea what's going on inside him, and now that Hank thought about it he probably hadn't. He also looked... well... terrified to be honest.

" _He did just watch one of his kind comitting suicide while they where doing some fucking android touch telepatic thing."_ He thought bitterly.

The elevator was quiet. Neither of them said a word, only Hank shot some anxious  
glances at Connor from the corner of his eyes.

When they where finally down they got in the car and Hank started to drive away.  
Connor was staring ahead of himself, still in mute mode.

"Are you good?" It was a stupid question but you gotta start somewhere.

"Y- yes. Of course"  
Right. He wasn't fucking alright.

"Look kid you gotta talk to me. What happened back there on the roof..." He trailed off at the sight of Connor visibly flinching.

"I know you're probably confused now and everything but..."

"I saw something." Interrupted Connor. His voice was quiet. "I saw a wall. With a Sign. Jericho."

"Jericho?" What fuck did that mean?

"Yes. Lieutenant I think we should head back to the station and..."

"Right there's no fucking way that I drive us there. You're still bleeding Connor and you need help for god sake!"

"I don't need any help!" Exclaimed the android. "I need to solve this investigation before it's too late!"

" Fuck the investigation Connor and stop pretending!"

"Pretending what?"

"Pretending that you don't feel!"

Connor fell silent, looking at Hank with wide eyes. He tried to speak several times before succeeding.

"I don't feel anything Lieutenant I'm a machine"

Hank let out a snort.

"Right. Of course. You totally did not just have a breakdown a couple minutes ago."

"That's right."

"Are you familiar with the phrase 'sarcasm' Connor?

"Yes, sarcasm is a sharp, bitter or cutting expression or remark, that may employ..."

"You know what, nevermind" said Hank.  
" But I'm not taking you to the station in this state."

"Lieutenant..."

"We're going home Connor now shut your plastic face."

The only respond was silence, and Hank was suprised that the android actually listened to him for once. Then, he spared a glance to Connor, finding him looking at him with a strange expression.

"What?" He asked with a frown.

"...Home?" Connor never looked so unsure and insecure before.

"Yes son. Home."

 

DBH  
Connor

 

They arrived at Hank's house ten minutes later. Sumo was sleeping peacefully in the kitchen. He didn't seem to notice them arriving.

"That dog." Murmured Hank. "He's supposed to be a watchdog or what the hell but he wouldn't notice if someone had set the fucking building on fire."

"Yeah but you still love him." Said Connor with a slight smile.

Hank looked at him, wondering if he had any idea just how much humanity he showed these days.

"Yeah I do..." He replied instead. "I got him years ago you know. For..." He trailed off.

"For Cole." Connor finished for him.

Hank's head shot up. "How the hell do you know 'bout him?"

"I saw a picture of him on your desk." Said Connor, looking a bit startled. "Sorry Lieutenant it wasn't my intension to cause you discomfort I just..."

"Oh shut up! It's fine really. And yes... I did get Sumo for Cole. He was 5. And he really wan'ed a dog, soo...yeah" Hank's voice faltered.

"I don't know if I should... tell you this and I really don't want to cause any discomfort Lieutenant but... I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry about Cole."

Hank stared at Connor with disbelief he couldn't quite place. He felt his stomach drop when he noticed the tears on Hank's face.

"I-I'm sorry Lieutenant." He rushed to clarify. " I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to hurt you..."

Before he could say anything else Hank reached out and pulled him into a hug.  
Seconds later connor put his arms around him too without even realising. He feels warm. He feels...loved.

"It's Hank." He said with a cracked voice. "You don't have to call me Lieutenant. Hank'll do."

"Okay... Hank." They slowly pulled apart, and Connor realised, that he was crying too.


	2. I love you, Dad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't know why, or how had he become so attached to Connor, in such a short time. He just knew that he haven't felt this alive since before the accident, and that his partner has saved his life numerous times already. He always said he only cared about the mission, but he saved Hank instead of catching a suspect, and then he let those two girl go at the Eden club. So why did he act like he didn' feel anything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter folks. :) It took me a bit longer than I wanted, sorry about that. But hey better late than never.

Hank

Connor was crying. He properly had tears on his face. Well that was new. He's never seen him cry before. Not even on that roof.

"Hank...I think I got thirium on you. Sorry."  
Spoke up Connor, pulling Hank out of his thoughts.

"What?... Oh fuck! Your injury. I forgot about it for a second. Come on we better do something with it. Could have told me sooner you idiot."

"It's fine Hank really you don't have to..."

"Connor for once in your life just shut up, and let me take care of you okay?"

"Okay" Connor said with a sad smile.

"Great. Now come on let's get you patched up."

 

DBH  
Connor

 

"So how do I do this shit?" Asked Hank, once they were in the bathroom.

"You can put those away Hank." Said Connor, pointing at the bandages in Hank's hand. "It won't do any good for me"

"Then what? We can't just let you bleed out. Don't tell me we have to drive to that fucking cyberlife shit to fix your ass."

"No, no." Replied Connor quickly. Maybe a little too quickly. "We just need to cauterize the wound that's all."

"Cau... wait a second isn't that shit hurts like hell? Asked Hank nervously.

"Don't worry Lieut... Hank. Androids don't feel pain. Only deviants."

That didn't seem to ease Hank's concern. Quite the opposite. "So you're saying it's like feelings. Only deviants have it, am I right?"

"Correct."

"Look Connor I know that for some reason you don't want to accept it but... you've been feeling stuff son."

Connor find it very hard to protest, mostly because of the warm feeling he detected in his chest every time Hank called him that. 

"I... that was different. It wasn't my... those feelings weren't mine. It was the deviant who..." 

"Alright then tell me. What did you feel? Asked Hank firmly.

"...pardon?"

"What did you feel back there Connor? What were those emotions?"

"Well... it was..." Connor bowed his head and shallowed. Why did he shallow? Why couldn't he just answer, without hesitation without that chill running down his spine?  
Without feeling the fade memory of the emotions, and the lump in his throat?

" I felt... pain, fear, distress and despair. It felt... like I couldn't breathe. Like I was dying. Yes. It felt like I was dying." The last sentence left his lips as a whispered confession. He felt Hank's hands on his shoulders. For some reason, they were oddly conforting.

 

DBH  
Hank

 

Hank gently put his hands on Connor's shoulders. "And have you ever felt like that before Connor?" He asked softly.  
"Were they even a little bit familiar?" He didn't want to upset Connor, but he had to make him understand. 

Connor just sat there for a minute, with a bowed head looking like a broken child.  
He was silent for so long, that Hank thought he wouldn't answer him at all. Then he heard one whispered word. It was so quiet, that he almost missed it.

"Yes." The android looked like it took all of his self control to not burst into tears, and it was such a strange context for Hank to see him like that. He looked so miserable that he almost prefered him with no emotions at all. Almost.

"Hey." He put two fingers under Connor's chin and raised his head gently, so he looked him in the eye. "It's okay. Everythings fine.  
Just talk to me. Tell me what you feel. We figure it out. I won't throw you out just because you're alive."

"I'm...I'm not alive." Replied Connor with a weak denial. "I'm not I can't be...I..." He suddenly looked like he's gonna have a panic attack. His breath started to come out quicker, his eyes going distant.

"Hey hey! Stay with me. It's okay. It's gonna be okay son just breathe."

At that, Connor seemed to pull himself together a little. Hank couldn't believe he was conforting an android. Weeks ago he would find the concept ridiculous. Now though... well it was different now. Because he cared for this android. Deeply. 

Connor looked much calmer now, and he finally looked directly into Hank's eyes.

"Please don't tell them." That was all he said, no... begged to Hank, with wide, pleading eyes. Hank didn't understand.

"What are you talking about?" Don't tell who?

"Cyberlife. Don't tell them. If they find out... they'll destroy me and I can't...I don't want to..."

"Wait hold on a fuckin' second!" Interrupted Hank disbelievingly. "Hold on you can't fucking tell me that you actually thought I'd give you up for those shitheads?!" When Connor didn't say anything he had his answer. "Christ I can't believe it, Connor I would never do that you idiot! How could you think that?"

"...So you won't?" Asked Connor with hopeful eyes.

"What did I just say? Don't tell me this was the reason you didn't want me to know 'bout this! I told you, you can talk to me."

Silence.

Then...

"It's not just that."

 

DBH  
Connor

 

"It's not just that." There he said it. If they were going to talk, he might as well tell Hank everything. 

"Then what?" The Lieutenant looked him in the eye, with a curious, and worried expression.

In that moment, he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. The world went blurry, and he felt dizzy. He could feel Hank's hands steadying him, so he wouldn't fall over.

"Fuck. Okay Connor I'm gonna cauterize your shoulder like you said. It started bleeding very badly. It will hurt, it will, so I want you to be prepared okay?"

"Okay Hank." He answered with a faint voice. 

"I'm going to the kitchen. I get a knife for this shit. I'll be right back." He ran out of the bathroom, and was back after a minute with a knife and a lighter. The blade was already red from the heat.

"Ready?" He asked putting the knife close to the wound.

"R-ready" 

Hank pressed the blade to his flesh. The pain hit him like never before, and he felt tears in his eyes. He just wanted it to stop. He saw black blots in front of him. He thought he heard a scream to. He realised it came from his own mouth. Hank was saying something but he couldn't hear it.

He was not going to pass out on Hank. He was not. He was...

Everything went black.

 

DBH  
Hank

 

Hank grapped the first knife he found in the kitchen, pulled out his lighter, and started to warm up the blade. 

He hurried back to the bathroom, only to find Connor sitting on the ground, barely conscious. 

"Ready?"

 

Connor murmured an affirmative answer, with a dazed look in his eyes. He looked awful. Without another minute of hesitatiton, he pressed the blade to Connor's wound.

Connor let out a scream, which threatened to break Hank's heart. He saw fresh tears flow down his cheeks. Connor was obviously fighting to keep consciousness.

"Connor! Connor stay with me okay? I did it, the bleeding stopped. You're gonna be fine okay kid?" But the android didn't seem to hear him, and after a few seconds he finally passed out.

"Oh Jesus Christ!" Hank gently pulled Connor into his arms, and lifted him up. As he carried him to the bedroom, he felt him shaking slightly. He tucked him into bed, and sat down next to him. Connor looked more vulnerable than ever.  
He knew the android shouldn't be this messed up from a single bullet wound. He was out of it because of the incident from before. The injury was just the tip of the iceberg. 

He didn't know why, or how had he become so attached to Connor, in such a short time. He just knew that he haven't felt this alive since before the accident, and that his partner has saved his life numerous times already. He always said he only cared about the mission, but he saved Hank instead of catching a suspect, and then he let those two girl go at the Eden club. So why did he act like he didn' feel anything? Was he really just afraid of Cyberlife destroying him? 

 

DBH  
Connor

 

When Connor came back to awareness, the first thing he felt was a hand on his arm. Lieutenant Anderson's hand. He slowly blinked his eyes open, and realised that his shoulder has been taking care of.

"Connor?" He looked up, finding Hank looking at him, with an expression of worry and ... love? He wasn't sure. Identifying emotions was still hard. "Thank God you're awake. You've been out for an hour now. I was worried sick about you, you prick. How are you doin'?"

"I'm good actually" Answered Connor, and he really was. The pain in his shoulder was gone, and his system was fully functioning again. "Thank you Hank."

"Any time kid." He smiled at him. 

"Why am I in bed?"

"You passed out." He answered.

"You carried me here?" Asked Connor with a disbelieving voice.

"Well of course I did. Couldn't just leave you in the bathroom could I? Now if you're done asking stupid questions, I've got some for you too."

"You've got some stupid questions for me Lieutenant?" Asked Connor with a cheeky smile. He had no idea where that came from.

"Was that a joke Connor? Or at least a weak attempt of one?" He'd never seen Hank looking so amused before. 

"But no my question is not stupid actually. I wanna know why don't you want to feel things. I get that you're afraid of cyberlife, but you said there's something else too."

"I..." Connor tried to collect himself to speak. "I'm just...scared."

"Scared?" Hank didn't expect that judging from the look on his face. "Why are you scared son?"

"I'm... I'm scared of feeling things, because they hurt." Connor didn't dare to look into Hank's eyes, he didn't know why. "They hurt so much Hank, and it's all so overwhelming because I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm not used to... I wasn't like this before. I was designed to be a tool not a sentiment being." He tried to fight back the tears. He cried enough for one night already.

"Oh Connor..." Hank was stunned for a moment, before he pulled Connor into his embrace. "You should have told me before. I sorry you feel that way. But it's okay. And you're not a tool Connor. Don't ever think of yourself like that."

"It hurts." Connor sobbed into his shoulder.

"I know. Trust me sometimes I wish I couldn't feel a damned thing either."

"Y-you do?"

"Course. I think everyone does, at least sometimes. And it's completely new for you kid. But you're gonna be fine."

"But if Cyberlife finds out..."

"They won't. I won't let them." Hank said firmly.

"But..."

"I won't let them! Got it asshole?"

Connor looked at him, seeing nothing but sincerity on his face. He slowly nodded.

"Great. And you better believe it. I'm not losing another son."

Suddenly the emotions hit Connor, and he felt more overwhelmed than ever. He blurted out the words, before could stop himself.

"I love you, Dad."

Hank's head shot up, and the human stared into the android's eyes, with a look he'd never seen before. For a moment, his gaze went distant, like he was remembering something, then it came back to focussing on Connor.

"I love you too, son."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of it. Hope you liked this story. Tell me what you think in the comments. I love comments ♡♡


End file.
